i love you magical mustache machine

I love you magical mustache machine.

No, I really do. Love isn't a word we just like to throw around here at Taco Party we really mean it. Now I suppose you're wondering why I called you in here. You seem to be working fine and you are completely full... but that's exactly it magical mustache machine.

You haven't sold one mustache.

Now I know times are hard and you've been here since the very beginning! Yes I know you have a wife and kids, but you've been milking your stay here for years. Don't raise your voice to me please magical mustache machine. Especially since I've asked around and there's a new cafe in Bountiful Terrace that's looking for a machine that's just like you.

How dare you of all people call me ungrateful! When I let you stay at my house when things between you and Laura got sour, did I hear one word of thanks? The answer is no magical mustache machine, you didn’t even bother to read the house rules I typed out for you. I am still trying to get that red wine stain out of my carpet, by the way.


Don’t smoke in my office, you know I have serious asthma. You know what, that’s another reason I’m letting you off. Every time I turn my back you try to sneak a smoke. You don’t even bother to leave the store! Do you know how many complaints I get about that? No magical mustache machine, more than one every so often, it is more like fifteen a day. It casts a very bad light on Taco Party, and we need to keep any and all customers we get seeing as that new Del Taco opened across the street.


Don’t cry. Don’t cry or you’ll get me started too, and trust me I don’t look good crying. It’ll be okay man, everything will be alright. No I don’t think you made a bad choice dropping out of college to be a magical mustache machine... In fact, I think you were made for this job. Your services just didn’t fit here, we are a glitter tattoo kind of joint. You are just ahead of your time is all.


I really enjoyed your time here magical mustache machine, but all good things must come to an end. You need to get back on the saddle, put yourself out there. I know you can do it buddy. I know.